Okay, so Matthew didn't want anything to do with typing on here. I at least got a little out of him! Can't you just see what a stinker my Matthew is...no wonder he ends up getting most anything he asks for...who could refuse that smile?!
Vanderbilt Update: I e-mailed Dr. Kilroy again yesterday, and he called back today while I was on my way home with Matthew from KAP and so he talked to Jason. I am more confused now than ever. At last he spoke with me, Dr. Kilroy said the MRI showed that Matthew did not have the amount of white matter that he should have. Today, he said he had talked to the other radiologists regarding the MRI results and they were all in agreement that there was a small abnormality in the right side of Matthew's white brain matter, that appears to have been caused by an injury, but that it had repaired itself. They cannot pinpoint what might have caused this 'break' as he called it, and they don't know when it happened other that they believe it happened very early on in life. He said from our point, he was sure he would like for us to hear that this abnormality was the cause of Matthew's condition, but there was just not enough evidence to support this. I am thinking he will send a written report now, and hopefully I can make more sense out of it.
Needless to say, this has bore on my mind since Jason told me about the call. I can't explain it, but when you have a child with the 'disorders' Matthew has, you can't help but feel a tremendous since of guilt, so-to-speak. Even though you know you're not the cause, you can't help but question if you did everything you could to prevent it. I have racked my brain about anything that could have happened in infancy, but I don't recall anything. He never rolled off of anything, fell, or was dropped. It is truly devastating not knowing what is going on, and sometimes I wished I hadn't even delved into this. It seems we are just faced with more questions than answers and sometimes I just wish I had left it alone. I know this is something I will have to rely on the Lord to help me with, and as always I know He will be there to listen and offer comfort.
7 comments:
thats my boy! Keep your chin up Natalie. Always remember to appreciate our little Matthew for everything he has to offer and to realize all the obstacles he's already overcame. I hope you get some answers to your questions. Love you guys!
I am so glad that Matthew has the mommy and daddy that he has, because the Lord must have thought you 2 guys were very special to take care of his special angel. Not a lot of people are blessed to truly know and have a special angel from God, so just keep taking care of him like you both are doing and know that God loves all 4 of you so much!!!!
I know that sometimes not knowing is the hardest thing, but you and Jason are great parents. Don't feel guilty about anything. Just keep on them doctors to give you the answers you deserve. And remember, you have friends here to help. Love ya! (Love the turkey, Matthew!)
Mommaw likes your turkey too, Matthew, you are soooo special. I love you,,,"thissssss much"!!!!!
I know it's easy for me to say, "Don't feel guilty" because I don't walk in your shoes everyday. But, you should know that no one else sees you as being responsible in any way. You know, the injury could have happened before birth.
Matthew's a special fellow, who's exactly the boy that God intended him to be, and we love him so very much!
I'll be praying for you all! Everytime I get an update from you, I update my mom so my family can pray for you as well. It takes a special set of parents to care for a boy as special as our Matthew. I can't think of anyone better suited for the job than you.
And on a side note, after seeing that precious face of his on that picture tonight, I've decided I can't wait til the Christmas party to see my boy. I'm gonna stop by KAP tomorrow to visit. :) Hope I get to see you too!
Matthew,I like your turkey too. Hey Nan, We don't always understand why things are the way they are, But God will always help us through. We love you all.
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