Emotions

First, I want to share with you a special little moment I "caught" between brother's this morning. There were no photos to capture the exchange, so I want to preserve the memory here...I will cherish being able to read this and see it over again in my mind. This morning, I as in the living room while both boys were in the playroom which is right next door. I heard Jacob in the sweetest voice ever, ask Matthew, "What do you want to watch?" I looked through the doorway and Jacob was flipping through the DVD's, (I keep them in CD binders so that we don't have a billion DVD cases around the house), and Matthew was right beside him looking for one he liked. I heard Jacob ask him the above question again, and then he said, "Do you want to watch this one?" Apparently Matthew had pointed or otherwise indicated a particular DVD. I watched while Jacob put in the DVD and got it to playing. I asked him what they were watching and he said, "Lazy Town. What he likes." All of this was said in the sweetest tone, as if he was content just to make his Bubba happy. Those sweet brothers sat in the playroom and watched the video and laughed together....while I sat in the living room and shed a few tears. As I posted to my facebook page, Jacob's role as "brother" is much more than what most people would ever imagine. He endures much more than most siblings, and I don't think anyone understands the sacrifice siblings of special needs individuals make unless they see it first hand...day in and day out. It's sad to say, but I don't know what I would do without Jacob's help...I really dislike having to rely on him as much as I do; after all, he's only seven-years-old, but on most days, he willingly obliges. My prayer is that Jacob never resents having a brother with special needs, but that he will instead rise above and beyond that to be what his Bubba needs him to be. Though it may not always be visible to the eye, those two have a special bond that I only want to strengthen.

Here lately I've been questioning the "reality" of my blog. I mean, I only try to blog about the happy or sweet things that happen in our lives which will make wonderful memories when looking back on them. I realize that in doing this, it may make our life seem all hunky-dory all the time, and to be quite frank, that's not always the case. We have had much weighing on us as of late, and at times it feels it's more than I can bear. I know that it's not, but once you get down, every little thing seems to weigh more heavily on you...or at least it does me. Having already been faced with lots of issues, today we got another let down, and it is just so disappointing. Then there have been a few other things tonight that have just cut to the bone. Some things just hurt, and sometimes I'm just tired of having to be strong. I'm thankful that I have this morning's sweet scene between brothers to go back to. Maybe I'll be stronger tomorrow.